31 days

31 days till I board the plane for Stockholm, Sweden.

31 days till I have to kiss Jasper goodbye for two weeks. Thinking about this honestly makes me not want to go.

I don't know how I'm going to leave my baby boy. Someone (probably my mom) will have to shove me through the gates to go.

I know it will be really hard leaving him, but I also think I need and deserve this time. I spent all day, every day, 7 days a week, going on almost 4 years taking care of this little boy. It's my favorite thing in the world. But Sometimes mamma needs a break. And while this was longer than I wanted to go (was originally going to be just gone for 10 days) but hubbs convinced me to stay a full two weeks. We are spending so much money to go, that it made sense for us to stay for a few extra days. Plus those last few days are the only time it will be just the two of us. The rest of the time we are with other people. So a few days of alone time on our honeymoon will be nice.

The difference with this time around, is that I know I can do it. I know I can be away from Jasper for more than a day at a time. When I did this back in January for 10 days visiting my dying grandmother I thought my heart was physically going to break from the separation. I had a hard time taking deep breaths when I thought about leaving Jasper.

But I did. And he did great. And I did fine. I'm not going to say great, but I think that had to do with the circumstances. They were much different circumstances. I was leaving Jasper to spend every day sitting in the hospital with my dying grandmother. I knew this would be the last time I would see her on earth. Every minute was emotional, so when I would think about Jasper (about every 2 minutes) it would make me even more emotional. I broke down crying every. single. day. But still, I was fine. I survived it just fine, and Jasper had a great time with grandma. Plus he got so many presents from Sweden he was already asking the next day when I was going to get more stuff for him.

This time Will be different. THis time my trip will be filled with Stockholm, and friends, and a wedding, and Swedish countryside, and a road trip, a boat trip, a fun filled island, beaches, Shopping, amazing swedish food, warm weather (not -15 degrees that I experienced in January) meeting high school friends, hostels, hotels, camping sites and so much more. I will miss Jasper so unbelievably much. It will hurt. Badly, leaving him. I will probably even cry almost every day I'm there. But we both will be okay.

And he will have an amazing time being spoiled rotten going in between all of his grandparents, aunts and uncles.