I debated on whether or not to write about this..

But ultimately decided to go for it (obviously.) For a couple of reasons, the main one being I don't want others to feel as much of a freak as I did during my first pregnancy. If someone stumbles across this, having been to embarrassed to ask their doctor about it, maybe it will make them realize they Aren't the only ones out there. 

Here's the thing. When I'm pregnant, I crave weird things. Not like pickles dipped in ice cream type of weird things. Like soaps, and cleaning supplies, and lotions. Yeah That's what I crave. 

With Jasper I had a major craving for pine sol and bleach, and Irish spring men's body wash (to this day it's the only body wash I use.) We would be at target and Drew couldn't find me, so he would go look in the cleaning supply isle and most likely find me sniffing bleach. No joke. It smelled so damn good I wanted to start chugging it in the middle of the isle. I'm not completely crazy, so I wouldn't actually follow through, but I'll be damned if you ever saw a cleaner bathroom or kitchen floor than when I'm pregnant. I will scrub scrub scrub just so I can inhale the scent of bleach or pine sol. 

After spending an hour in an isle smelling body washes and came across Irish Spring, I would always buy the three pack and find myself taking 3-4 showers a day, just so I could lather up. Sad as it is, those were often the best few minutes of my day. Not because I was miserable or unhappy or having bad days, I just enjoyed the smell That much.

It was addicting.

I never mentioned it to a doctor, because come on I was Obviously crazy. And what where they going to do about it? It's not like I was Actually eating the soap or drinking the bleach, just cleaning a lot. I think the only one who knew about it was Drew, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone else. 

After having Jasper it must have stopped because I never had the urge to drink bleach again. 

Then this pregnancy all smells made me sick, we didn't have a single thing of meat in this house for months because the smell was simply unbearable. I threw away Drew's deodorant with out remembering to tell him (whoops) because the smell made me gag. So I didn't even think about my little weird habit.

Till one day, while in the tub, using my basq citric body scrub. Drew had gotten it for me as a stocking stuffer, and I loved it and had been using it for weeks. But all of a sudden? I wanted to eat it. My mouth started salivating (as it's doing now just writing about it) but of course I resisted the urge. 

The next day even though I had already showered in the morning I realized I NEEDED to take a bath so I could use my body scrub again. And it went on like this for a few days. 

Then I was in target and found my way to the cleaning supplies, and started taking some lids off, ya know, just to smell. And it hit me. It had happened again. I was now craving bleach, soaps, pine sol, detergent and most of all. My body scrub. 

The thing is, now we have natural cleaners, and they just don't have that strong smell as bleach or pine sol does. And my laundry detergent is scent free so it's really not doing a whole lot for me. But that scrub? Oh man the scrub. And the Irish Spring soap that Drew uses? Yeah I'm back to using that also. 

Except this time the craving feels even Stronger. Like every day around 4-5 I feel this need, this urge to take a bath so I can use my scrub. I almost feel twitchy if I don't do it. I ran out and was out for a few days waiting on my order to arrive and it felt (what I assume?) a drug addict would feel like if they couldn't get their drug. Twitchy, irritated, jittery, OBSESSED. I needed my scrub.

This time I decided to tell my OB about it. I guess because I felt comfortable with her, as she is the same doctor I've been seeing every visit since September. When I told her she laughed and said "Oh so you are one of Those" and then told me we needed to get a blood sample and check my iron levels. They came back super low, and she put me on a double dose of iron pills. Apparently, if you have weird cravings like this during pregnancy it can mean you are lacking in something nutrition wise. For me, it's iron. I had to be on iron pills last pregnancy as well, guess my babies just suck it completely out of me. The iron pills actually haven't really helped, my iron is still pretty low, but it's not the end of the world. 

She explained to me that I'm Not crazy, and from others she has heard that those that have 'special' cravings like mine describe it as almost like a drug that they need. And some actually follow through with their cravings (as in drinking the bleach!) and since I'm not actually doing that, it's fine and I can continue to get my daily soap high.

After I heard that there are others like me I posed the question to my pregnancy forum and was shocked by some of the answers I got. One said she EATS CHALK, like actually eats it while pregnant, another said she lives for the smell of musty basements and will drive over to her parents house just so she can sit in their musty basement for the smell. One even talked about eating sand her whole pregnancy. She will stock up in little baggies during family trips to the beach and scatter it around her house so she can eat a hand full of sand (and keep it hidden from her husband and mother who apparently know she does this and try to find all her hiding spots!) Sadly this made me feel much better about my strange habit. And it's not like I'm ingesting it, just getting myself and my floors super clean and happen to enjoy the smell at the same time. But it is more than just enjoying the smell- it's almost like a runners high (yes, I DID run in high school for a couple of years) and it just feels so damn good to smell it/get my high!

So I hope if you stumble across this post if you googled "Help I want to drink bleach" or something like that and you will realize that 1. you are NOT crazy and 2. talk to your doctor! It won't be the first time they have heard this and maybe some iron pills will help straighten you out. 

Oh what am I doing smelling a rag? I'm Almost ashamed to admit that I got this clean rag, wet it down, added some irish spring and let it dry..then I laid in bed watching TV smelling my rag every few minutes..