If you have been a mom for more then 4 seconds, you have sadly most likely been a part of, directly or indirectly, some sort of 'mommy war.' Let me tell you, moms can be vicious! After nearly 6 years of this whole motherhood deal I've been targeted (online and in person) for:
A 'natural' birth
having had a c-section
having breastfeed Jasper
not breastfeeding Jasper long enough and having to switch to formula by 2-3 months
breastfeeding Tindra and breastfeeding her 'too long'
Not breastfeeding Tindra long enough
vaccinating my children
opting to go with delayed vaccinations
being a stay at home mom
getting out once in a while
not getting out enough
eating organic food
not eating 100% organic
being a 'helicopter' mom
not being 'helicopter' enough
sending Jasper to a church based preschool
Not sending Jasper to a private kindergarten
spoiling my children
not giving them 'enough'
cloth diapering Tindra
Not cloth diapering Jasper
And this is Such a short list. I could probably go on and on, but it's exhausting. For everything I've done that people think is 'right' like breastfeeding for just under 12 months for example, there are people saying 'gross, don't breastfeed, or 'only breast feeding the first 6 months, after that there aren't any real benefits' (wrong, by the way.)
There are very few right or wrong answers when it comes to parenting. We can only do what we feel is right for our families. And that can look totally different for everyone, so let's try to cut out the mom bashing shall we? And let's just assume most moms and dads are doing what feels right for them?
What sparked this post after so long in the mom game? I really thought I had seen it all, but then I made the mistake of asking a simple question on a car seat forum, asking for recommendations for our up coming trips on dual screen dvd players so I could have one for Jasper forward facing and one for Tindra rear facing.
I got some great responses. But then I got some craaazy ones. Like " You are going to fry your childs brain by letting them watch a movie" and "dvd players are projectiles in a car, you absolutely can NOT have anything in your car that doesn't come with the car except for car seats and a purse that is zipped up and buckled in the front seat"
Uhm, great advice and all, but let's start with the first crazy comment (and there were several of each just worded differently, some more rude then others.)
My children don't watch a lot of TV. Some days 20 minutes here and there of a cartoon, some days none at all for days in a row. And when I say children, I basically mean Jasper because Tindra doesn't sit still long enough to watch even 5 minutes of TV. Jasper didn't sit down and watch a whole 25 minute cartoon till he was 3. Until then he was too busy to even notice if the TV was on or not. So yeah, I think having a couple of DVD players for my sanity and their boredom on a 11-12 hr solo car trip is perfectly acceptable. If you choose not to let your child have any TV time their childhood, that's great for you, and I won't judge you for it at all. In fact, that's fantastic. Sometimes I wish I could throw out the TV, but I don't see that happening any time soon (or probably ever) so I guess my children will be 'rotting' their brains from time to time.
And just for the record, Jasper's brain isn't the slightest bit fried. He's the smartest little boy I know and is reading chapter books by himself at 5, so I think his brain is perfectly fine. Plus, he got the highest grade available in data and probability on his report card. I barely know that that is AND I didn't grow up watching really any TV. I'm pretty sure he's going to be smarter then I am by the time he's 10, with or without any TV watching.
And for the second set of crazy statements, I get that objects in a car can become projectiles in the even of a crash. I've seen the reports. And it's terrifying. I'm a big 'safety nerd.' I will be rear facing Tindra as long as possible, hopefully till she's 4. Jasper is almost 6 and still in a 5 point harness because I don't quite trust boosters yet. I do everything I can to keep them safe. But I also have to be realistic. And on an 11 hour trip that will take us to Iowa where we will spend 10 days there will be projectiles in the car, with our without a dvd player. There will be clothes. And shoes. And bottles, sippy cups and snacks. Toys, books, dvds. Cell phones and chargers. Cups of coffee. All projectiles. Adding one more to that crazy mix isn't going to make a difference either way. But try telling those moms that. When I commented back saying we would need all that stuff her response was
"well then don't go. If you can't get your family there safely, it isn't wise to travel"
So because I can't drive across three states with an EMPTY vehicle I shouldn't go? Right. That makes a whole lot of sense.
I gave up after that comment. Because really, can you debate with someone like that? I'm ALL for a good, fair debate. Drew would say I enjoy a good debate just a liiiitle too much. But I can't even bother with those kinds of statements.
I'm not going to lock my children in a bubble and not allow them to experience the world because of possible dangers that are unfortunately around every corner.
What 'mom' wars have you been a part of? Do you even bother debating/explaining your point of view? And what's the craziest thing someone has said to you in regards to parenting, I'd love to hear them!