And I'm back.

I've been in Sweden for the past ten days, and it feels so goo to be back to my little man, and of course his daddy. But I've gone a week or two with out seeing Drew while Jasper and I have gone back to Iowa to visit family, but in the three and a half years since I became a mamma I haven't spent more than a weekend apart from Jasper. And that only happened twice. Ironically enough both times that happened I was also in Sweden. Stockholm to be more exact. But that was different because one, he was also in Sweden, and two it was only 2.5 days at a time.

It was hard, and I mean Really hard to be away from Jasper.  Even though I wasn't going to Sweden for a vacation for myself, I still felt guilty going. I felt guilty that I wouldn't be there to tuck him in for his nap and bed times as I have been 99.8 percent of the time since he was born. But luckily I have an amazing husband that convinced me I needed to go and that Jasper would be fine. Even that it Might be good for both of us, and also Drew, to be the one in charge, because lets face it, when mamma is home, mamma is in charge.

My purpose of this trip was to go and spend time with farmor (dads mom in Swedish) and say goodbye. Traveling 15000 miles roundtrip to say goodbye to someone is apparently a strange concept for some to grasp. I was interrogated at the airport getting into Sweden when they asked the purpose of my trip. They had a hard time believing that I had came all the way to Sweden just to see and say  goodbye to my grandma.

But that was my purpose and I did just that. Luckily for me my dad was also there the whole time. He lives in Brazil but has been in Sweden with his mom since Dec. 26th, sitting at the hospital all day and most nights, so I know he was glad that I was there. Not only did we get to spend a lot of quality time together, it was a relief for him to have me there so he could get some stuff done during the day and know that I was there with farmor. Also, luckily for me some of my bestest friends live there. Sofie, who was a bridesmaid in our wedding, and her soon to be husband live in the same town farmor does. And also Jessica, who came to the wedding. Childhood friends.

And when I asked Melissa of http://dearbabyblog.com/ for advice of being away from my son since I know she travels for work frequently her advice was to keep busy. And I did just that. And she was right, as long as I was busy, I was Almost okay being away from Jasper. Not okay really, but coping. As soon as I was alone, and it was quiet? I was a mess.

So I  kept busy. I spent my days at the hospital with farmor. Helping her eat. reading her magazine to her (let me tell you its HARD to read in Swedish) telling her stories of Jasper, listening to her stories of me, my siblings and my dad as a child when she was up to being able to tell those. I would be there from 9 or 10 in the morning, then I would go have lunch or 'fika' (coffee and some sort of baked good) with Jessica around 2ish, then back to the hospital. Then most nights I went and stayed with Sofie and Henrik, where they made me delicious Swedish home made meals every night and we sat up talking and drinking tea till midnight when I could skype with Jasper right after he woke up from his afternoon nap. Thats how I coped being away from Jasper. When I would go lay down in bed for the night I would read until I literally couldn't keep my eyes open. If I didn't I would lay there in bed, in the dark, 7000 miles away and my heart would hurt so bad I thought I was having a heart attack. It was too hard to lay there thinking about Jasper, and farmor.

Tonight/this morning I have gone in to check on Jasper several times just to watch him sleep. Jet lag is killing me and I have been up since 3 AM but I should use this valuable time to start unpacking because as soon as Jasper is awake I know I wont be able to get anything done. I'll just want to cuddle him all day (like he will let me)

Can't wait to catch up on everyones blogs! It's been weird being so disconnected from my internet friends's lives for the last week and a half!