I have a terrible time doing that. For some reason I have this horrible fear of rejection. Drew and I were recently having a conversation about that, and he think's it's just crazy that I have this deep fear since I've never even really be rejected. It's not meant to sound 'braggy' by any means, but it's how it is. I was never rejected by some guy, or girls, I was never on the outside of some group I wanted to be a part of. I fit in. If I wanted to date a guy, I did. If I wanted to be friends with a certain person, I was friends with them. Besides a brat in 4th grade who made fun of my ear on my first day of school in America, I was never mocked or ridiculed. All things that would naturally make someone fear rejection, I never had. It doesn't make sense that I'm like this. That I don't ever want to put myself out there for fear or rejection or failure. But it's just how I am. I'm not shy, I just don't put myself in situations, if I can help it, where I am setting myself up for possible failure or rejection.
I don't go up to a group of women talking at the park or school or some social situation and join in on the conversation. What if they wonder what the hell I'm doing joining in on Their conversation?
I don't invite someone over for brunch or coffee unless I'm positive they will say yes. What if they said no, the horror.
I don't tell people 'in real life' about this blog. How silly they would think it is.
I haven't told many people in my life that I have this passion for photography that I actually want to DO something about. What if I fail? I wouldn't want anyone to know that.
Until now. My big goal for this year, is to put myself out there. Not be afraid or rejection. Or mockery. Or silent judgement that is sure to come. Just to be myself. And a big step in doing this for me is sharing what I've been working on for the past 10-11 months. My photography. I don't know what will come out of it. And that's okay! Maybe it will turn into a successful photography business. Or maybe nothing will come out of it. Or maybe it will continue how it's been for the past 6 months, a photo shoot here and there. Any of those outcomes is okay, but being afraid to put myself out there is not.
If you care to take a look (and like!) I would very much appreciate it, especially if you are local!