Sunday, May 20, 2012

Tindra's Birth part two

Part 1 can be found here
After the iv was in things started moving quickly. Apparently we skipped some steps that they do for a planned c- section because my contractions were so close together at this point and they wanted to get me in quickly. 

The next thing I know Drew's in scrubs and I'm in a wheel chair heading down to the operating room. Once we got in there things happened so fast a lot of it's a blur. I was having a contraction in the wheel chair and they said as soon as this contraction was over I was going to sit down on the table so they could get the spinal in and it would be my last contraction I felt. Which at that point sounded wonderful. 

I think the spinal hurt a little bit, but I mostly remember just how quickly my legs were hot and tingly. I kept asking things like "Is my left leg supposed to be numb already" because I wasn't expecting it to happen instantly like that. 

Within a minute I was numb from the nipple line (their words not mine) and down. I guess they did some tests to make sure I was numb, and I was. 

As soon as I was laying down, they started sticking things on me, and put my arms out to my side, like I was on a cross, and that's when the emotions started. I started having a full on panic attack. I was bawling and having a hard time breathing. Everyone kept asking what was wrong, if I was in pain, etc. I couldn't answer. One because I was crying, and two because I didn't know why I was crying. I think it was a combination of : this is it, I'm about to meet my daughter, and just being down right terrified. And exposed. I felt so exposed there on the table. After a few minutes I was able to calm down and just think about what was about to come.

After they put the sheet up so I couldn't see anything ( Thank GOD for that!) I was able to zone out for a minute and try not to think about what was happening. Then I noticed the Doctor (who by the way was hilarious which my friend warned me about) started talking about opening up a bbq or something and for a second I was offended that he was talking about grilling out- but then I quickly realized by the responses he got and his tone of voice that he was actually speaking in code. I guess they do that so the mom laying on the table doesn't have to hear "hey got her opened up and now getting ready to shove her  intestines aside" which I'm extremely grateful for! After I realized they were talking about ME I quickly tried to shut that out.

Then came the tugging and the pulling. Kelsey was kind enough to answer some c-section questions for me and warned me that I would feel tugging and I'm so glad she did or I would have been even more shocked. Even with a warning I still couldn't believe how much I felt. And how long it took. I'm sure my sense of time is completely off, but I think it was several minutes that they were pulling on her trying to get her out from under my ribs- and I can't possibly describe how weird/gross/disturbing that felt. I almost threw up at this point, even gagged, not from pain or nausea but just from the feeling of them pulling on her. I just kept repeating on god I can feel it, I can feel it over and over again.  And the pressure from when they fully pulled her out is something I will never forget.

I remember saying the words "she's here' moments before they told me she was out. The first thing I remember the doctor saying was "She's got a lot of hair this one!" And then "She's gorgeous mom!"
Then they held her over the sheet for just a minute so I could see her. I will never forget my first look at her smushed cheeks, dark matted hair and perfect pink lips. And then she was gone out of my sight and taken to the side of the room, with Drew by her side.

I was left alone with the anastesiologist and the doctors/nurses stitching me up. And that's when it felt like a ton of bricks had been placed on my chest and I could barely breathe. 

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