Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Child spacing.


One of the questions I get asked most by friends/strangers/online friends etc. is about child spacing. Was Jasper and Tindra's almost 5 year age gap on purpose? Do you like the age gap? What are the positives/negatives of that age gap?

For the most part, their age gap was planned. Having Jasper so young we were in No way ready financially to go ahead and have another child shortly after Jasper. Having had such a rough childbirth with Jasper I wasn't even positive I wanted any more children till he was about 2. We also wanted to get married first, study abroad, have at least Drew finish school and get a good job etc. After we had accomplished all those things, by the time Jasper was 3.5, we decided we were ready for another. It took us several months to get pregnant after we decided we were ready, giving us the 4 years and 8 months age gap between Jasper and Tindra.

I used to tell people I liked the age gap, but that if/when it came time for a third I wouldn't want that age gap again.

But the more I've thought about it over the last few months. The more grateful I am that I have had that age gap, and the more okay I am with having another good age gap between two and a hopeful third someday. There's plenty of little reasons like, only having to diaper one kid at a time, and having my body to my self again after a year and a half of pregnancy and breastfeeding. But the biggest reason why I have absolutely loved having that age gap is time. 

Time alone with each of my children. Time I wouldn't have if that gap hadn't been there.

I had over four and a half years with Jasper. Just us. He was my everything. My all day and night. We have such a special relationship, and I think a big reason is because for so long it was just us. Of course Drew was in the picture also, a big part of the picture. But lets face it, the first three years of Jaspers life Drew was in class 18 hrs a week and worked another 45-50, plus all the commuting. He had Sundays and once in a while a Saturday off. After those three years were up he no longer had class but instead worked 50+ hrs a week plus commuting time before we moved into the city. So a good majority of the time it was just Jasper and I. And I wouldn't change that for anything in the world.

Then Tindra game a long and things changed. More than I even imagined possible. Jasper was only in preschool a few weeks before the summer and then I had all summer with both my babies home all day. Some days it was a lot to handle with a 5 year old and newborn who were at such different places in their life, but Jasper has always been a fairly independent child and it just worked. We had a great routine and had so many little adventures. 

And then Jasper went off to full day kindergarten and it was even more of a game changer. Now Jasper was gone all day (7 hours) and it was just Tindra and I for the first time. The first few months were the hardest with adjusting (for me the hardest I think, Jasper did amazing from the start!) but then we figured out a system for that to. And having Jasper in school during the day has given me a chance to devote so much of my time during the day to Tindra like I did with Jasper all those years, and it just has worked so amazing for us! 

I go back and forth on when would be a good time to add to our family, and a big part of me thinks waiting till Tindra is heading to preschool would be a good time so I get that alone bonding time with a third child as well. But I do know that deep down, you can have a house full of a dozen kids and as a mom we would still make the time and bond just as well with a new baby, tons of alone time or not.

Part of me used to feel guilty that Jasper and Tindra wouldn't get to be as close having a few years apart, but then I watch them play like this and I realize, their age gap doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if they are 1 year apart or 10 or anything in the middle, they are BFF's for life just like I am with my siblings. 






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10 comments:

  1. so great to hear about another mom who isn't in a hurry to get the baby years done and over with but seems to enjoy spacing them out!

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    1. I def don't want to get the baby years done, they are amazing!

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  2. Awe I love this and so true:) my girls are the same.

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    1. That they are! Exact same age gap almost to the day!

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  3. THANK YOU FOR THIS! It is hard to find people who feel the way me and my husband do about adding another little one to our family. There is a 4 year gap between me and my middle sister and a 9 year gap between me and my youngest sister. I could not LOVE THEM ANY MORE than I do! We have a special relationship and I actually recall the day they were both born. I REMEMBER so much about our childhood and I can only hope the same is true for my little girl (3 yrs 4 months) in the future! We all do what works for us.

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    1. My oldest brother and youngest brother have like a 12 year gap in between them and they are as close as can be!

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  4. This is what we are planning on doing and for the same reasons. Our daughter is now 2 and everyone keeps asking when we are having another but we will wait at least one more year before getting pregnant, i want that alone time with just her

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  5. I think the age gap too is really perfect and you are a very intelligent woman for all the thoughts you have on motherhood even if you are still a young mom

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    1. Thank you, it's definitely been perfect for us!

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