2013

What a fast year it has been! I think I feel that way every year, but I honestly have no clue where this year has gone! I absolutely love having a blog to be able to go back and look and see what we have done this year, because I think without it I would have forgotten like 80% of it. Kids will do that to you! Since I've been going back through the year, I though I'd share some of our most memorable moments in 2013! At the end of December through beginning of January I took the 12 hr train solo with both kids for the first time and we were in Iowa for I think just under 2 weeks. It was an amazing/unforgettable trip and I'm so glad I had the chance to be able to do that with the kiddos before my mom moved out of the house I spent jr high/ high school in. Having my grampsy there from North Carolina for most of the trip made it even more special. 

One of the funnest days I remember we had in March was perfectly ordinary but so special at the same time. We had a really great blizzard on a weekend (I swear they normally seem to happen during the week) but this one was either a Saturday or a Sunday, so Drew and Jasper were home with us. Instead of being stuck inside we decided to brave the weather and go on a long walk to lunch in the blizzard. So much fun! Can't wait to some more snow storms, the really good kind, so we can do that again! 

In the beginning of April my mom came and stayed for the week, which I LOVED. I miss seeing my mom on a regular basis with her (or rather us) living 700 miles away, so having her to myself for a whole week is just the best. And apparently so much fun I barely took any pictures.  And then this little lady turned one. I still don't know how that happened. 

We had the Best summer. I mean really. Daily adventure of bike riding, farmers market trips, discovering new pools and parks, really just the best. 

2014, you are going to have a Really hard time beating 2013's summer.  We also took two road trips to Iowa (one just me and the kids) and of course our trip to Yellowstone. That was definitely a major hi-light of 2013. 

When we got back from all of our trips Jasper started first grade! Big big change for all of us, but especially him.

Fall was filled with pumpkin patch trips and halloween festivities with my little parrot and pirate!

In november we went up to Glenwood Springs for the weekend and it was definitely one of my favorite weekends of the entire year. 

We also made our trip back to Iowa in November for thanksgiving, and had a wonderful trip seeing our families. 

We ended out the year with an amazing Christmas just the four of us. 
2013 was a fun, busy year and I can't wait to see what 2014 has in store for us!

Christmas Eve

Christmas Eve was such a fun day. We had a Swedish Christmas Eve dinner planned (Julbord- Christmas table) with a couple of our close Swedish friends here in Denver. It was the perfect plan since neither of us (minus one husband) really have our families here, so getting together with friends to celebrate is the next best thing. I think we started a new tradition we have to keep up because it ended up being So much fun! One family had to cancel last minute due to a very sick little girl and we missed them! Just another reason we need to do it again next year!

 ^I started off Christmas eve morning by attempting to make Swedish 'crack' candy and burning ^

my fingers but it was delicious

 ^Just some of the amazing Swedish food^

 ^Jasper was preeeetty excited about getting 'julmust' a drink kind of like a flat, sweet coke only^

consumed during Christmas

 ^Miss T is obsessed with Swedish meatballs. And no other meat^

 ^Glogg is my favorite. A warm drink with a bunch of different spices and wine^

^Watching Kalle Anka's Jul online, another Swedish Christmas eve tradition^
Having such amazing friends close by makes having family so far away a lot easier and I'm so grateful for them all. 

Merry Christmas!

Hopefully you all have a wonderful Christmas!
And here's the winners to the Swedish giveaway!
 Entry number 1099 Janie S. wins the PoP gift card Entry number 1197 Cecelia B wins the Sture and Lisa outfit Entry number 901 Staci Irwin wins Moheda Shoes and entry 1177 Cindy Aiton wins Nowali Slippers! So email me ladies!



And the winner of the Collegian slippers is number 7 Whiskey Tango Fox 

Anxiety.

My friend Kym wrote a super honest post that inspired this. All the things I find myself type and then deleting before hitting post. Just random thoughts. I often find myself comparing myself to everyone around me. And it's So so not healthy. Especially when you live in a neighborhood where the average house is close to a million dollars. These are the people that go to Jasper's neighborhood school and it's hard not to compare myself to them. These women with million dollar houses, with their maids and daily tennis dates. But it's so ridiculous to compare myself to them. I know this. We are at least a decade younger than 99 percent of them. Of course they are going to be further in their careers than we are at 26 and 27 (okay Drew's career, I'm well aware I don't have one) and even though I KNOW this, I still compare myself to them sometimes. And it sucks. And I need to stop.  I love nothing more than being a stay at home mom. I've said I won't choose to have more kids if I know I'd have to put them in day care full time to work outside the home. (Just a personal choice nothing wrong with daycare!) But I'd be lying if I said I don't think about the day when Jasper, Tindra and future siblings are all in school. I worry I'll feel worthless. Empty. Bored. Not inspired. I worry about this very much. But I know without a doubt I'll never ever for even a second regret staying home with them these few short years before they go off to school. It's everything to me.  I cry probably once a week thinking about how fast my children are growing up. I wish I was kidding. Drew thinks I'm crazy. But ever since Jasper started school, and seeing how much he's changing, growing up, needing me a little less and less, it's seriously breaks my heart. And no joke I'm tearing up write now just writing this paragraph. Drew says he's only 6. I say but he's already 6! Probably half of the time we are going to get with him that he actually wants to be around us is gone. Forever. 5-6 years from now I'll probably have to beg him to go for a bike ride with me. Soon he will much rather be with friends. And oh how that though hurts.  Over the past couple of years I've started struggling with anxiety. I was never an anxious person. Quite the opposite really. But now kids are involved, I struggle with it all the time. I don't think I ever really understood what being anxious even was till a couple of years ago. It was just a word that didn't have a real meaning to me. But there are horrible things going on in this world, and I feel such panic about it. It wasn't really till Jasper started school that this anxiety began. I think I just thought since I'm with him 100 percent of the time (and I was till he started school) I could protect him from anything. But then I started having to let him out of my site. And horrible, unthinkable things happen. And I developed this anxiety. I don't talk about it with anyone really, I mean Drew knows, but I don't know if he really understands the extent of it. I don't even understand the extent of it. I don't know when it's going to kick in. Or where. I can be sitting in my living room and hear a police siren and my heart will stop. And then start beating really fast and feel like it's going to jump out of my chest. I'll race outside and stand in the middle of the street and look down towards Jasper's school and make sure it's not a siren rushing to his school. Then I start thinking.Mind racing.  How fast can I sprint down to the school to get him if something happened. What if it was a bomb. What if it's another school shooting. I could leave Tindra in her crib, she'd be safe there with the door locked and run the .4 miles to his school.  And the police/ambulance/fire truck zooms by in the opposite direction and I'm left standing there in the street relieved. And I go back in and go about my day. This is probably a twice/three times a week occurrence. Where that panic creeps in and I've convinced myself I need to go get Jasper from school. I'm well aware it's not normal, but I can't help it.  Last week there was another school shooting in Colorado, exactly 7 miles away. It was seven miles away, and I sat here panicking. It took everything I had to not wake up Tindra from her nap and go get Jasper. It's not rational. But when that anxiety creeps in I just want my kids here and then I'm fine. I never feel this way when we are home together safe. So I guess it's the realization that I'm powerless in protecting Jasper when he's not with me that sets me into panic mode.  I had other things I was going to share but I think I've over shared enough for one morning. 

Lucia.

Lucia is one of my favorite holiday traditions. We used to celebrate it in Sweden every year growing up and then stopped when we moved to the US, but I was determined once I had kids of my own that I would continue with those cozy traditions I had growing up. So we do! They also do a big Lucia celebration at our Swedish school, and while it wasn't on December 13th this year (Lucia day) it was still so much fun to celebrate with a real Lucia tag (lucia train.) I honestly had no idea how Tindra would do since she's so young, but I decided to dress her up and go with the flow and see if she wanted to walk with her class (she's the youngest there) or go sit with me. Turns out all she needed was a 'big girl' to hold her hand and she was good to go! 

 ^There's my little santa in white shirt^

Christmas Traditions

One of my favorite Christmas traditions we do is head up to Evergreen at the end of November/beginning of December to pick out a Christmas tree. It's the closest experience I have found to going out and chopping down a tree (which is what we always did growing up in Sweden) but this way the kids still get a say in the tree we pick out. And let me tell ya, Jasper is pretty picky about the tree we choose. And this year he picked a winner! He wanted it big, fluffy, and smelling good and that is what we got.  It was a cold day (high of 10 in Denver, I'm guessing several degrees colder in the mountains, but the sun was out and we were thrilled as always to get out of the city. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts on our way up, and I'm thinking that needs to be a part of the tradition from hear on out, because coffee, donuts and tree picking really just works.  After we picked our tree out we walked over to where Santa was hanging out (they have a santa there on weekends!) and I knew Jasper would be thrilled to let the big man know what he wanted (skateboard, fish and 'deep sea adventure' thing he saw at the zoo back in october) but I figured Tindra would be a bit shy. She takes a while to warm up to guys usually, and when she is being shy she will either look down at her feet or poke herself in the eye (yeah, I know) but I wasn't quite expecting the reaction we got. Screaming. Bloody murder, like someone was trying to murder her. We only tortured her for a second, then quickly got her away from the big scary man in a red suit and bad beard. He tried to catch her eye and wave at her a few times after that, and each time, same reaction, even if he was 20 feet away. So odd.  But we got our tree, and within hours of setting her up in the living room, our entire first floor smelled delicious! I definitely recommend frasier firs (not sure how that's spelled) it's what we have gotten the past two years and we have been very pleased! 

After we got our tree set up in the living room we went to pick out our yearly Christmas ornament while she defrosted (there was ice/snow on most of the branches from recent snow in the mountains.) I can't tell you how much I love this tradition we started 7 years ago. Every year we let Jasper pick whatever he wants (this year it took him foreeeeever- too many choices!) and it's so much fun going through all of the ornaments each year, talking about when we picked what ornament and why. This was the first year Jasper asked weeks ago when we were going to get an ornament, so it's obviously a tradition he remembers and loves also!   We started it our first Christmas as a family because we were two college students with basically no decorations to our name, and as much as I wanted to go out and buy buy buy all the decorations I could see it just didn't make sense. One, we were on a preeeeetty strict budget and two, we were going to be gone for almost the entire month of December so it really didn't make sense to go out all out. So I came up with the idea of buying a little fake tree, some red and gold balls and each of us picking one special ornament, with the idea that each year we would add to our collection. We have since ditched the red balls, and now we have the most amazing variety of ornaments that are so special to us!  This year Drew chose a large star, I chose a camera, Jasper picked buzz and Tindra wandered around oooing at all the different ones, but the 4-5 that caught her eye I lined up in front of her and she grabbed a fox with gold sparkles on it's chest and tail. Not surprising, giving her love of all things fox! I can't wait till next year to see what she picks as by then she will know a little bit more what's going on!